A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
