woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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