I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
