Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
