She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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