But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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