I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
