we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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