So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
