Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize