She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
