I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
