You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
