The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
