Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just gargled with NyQuil
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
