Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
