My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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