I could have mohawked her pubes.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
