Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
