do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
