it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
