Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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