After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
