ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
