how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
