Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
