It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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