Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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