nut hugger
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
