jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
