It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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