yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
