I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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