the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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