so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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