I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
