I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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