if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
being pregnant is like rehab
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
