Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
