first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
