So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
