Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
