The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize