A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so explain again why im purple
no
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
