Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
