Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
