I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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