I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
