Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
