so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
