y did u give ur computer a hand job?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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