I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
