just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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