I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
