I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
