no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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