A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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