Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
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