Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
