Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
