I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
