I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
