Hey man sorry I got all grabby
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
