the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's like iHOP with fire
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
