Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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