You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
