I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
