This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
