I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I want her autograph on my taint
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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