my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
