I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Green mimosas i think yes
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
