butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
