I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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